A few years ago I attended a 2 day workshop. The workshop crammed a ton of information into a limited amount of time, and truth be told I do not remember many of the details, but there was one demonstration that has stuck with me through the years. The instructor poured some water into a glass and asked a volunteer to TRY to drink it. He could neither drink it nor not drink it, and there was no one to interfere with his TRY to drink the water. What ensued were some funny moments as the poor volunteer worked to figure out his impossible task. If he tipped the glass to his lips he was going to get some water in, if he held it just on the edge without drinking he was in fact not drinking it, the task was impossible. What was the point of the exercise then and why do I talk about it here? Simple when it comes to doing something you either do it or do not and saying you will try is “putting it on the list” (really another way of not doing it). When you tell someone (or yourself) “I will do this today” you make a commitment which drives action on your part. When you say “I will not do this today” you are setting a clear expectation that it will not get done, driving another kind of action (or lack of). Clearly both statements create clear expectations and drive a course of action. When you say “I will try to do this” you are setting ambiguous expectations and committing to no set actions. The “try” often comes out when you really do not want to do something (not worthwhile, doubtful of results, do not know how to do something, effort to high for expected results, and so on) but there is an expectation you should so. Instead of outright “no I will not” you string the recipient along with an “I will try” while putting it on the bottom of the to-do list. “I will try” is for all intents and purposes an “I will not” with a vague expectation that despite a potential lack of action some result will happen anyway.
If you are thinking “How does this apply to making healthy choices or my personal life” then take a moment and think back to resolutions you made in the past, and promises made to yourself, family members and doctors. How often do we say “I will try to eat healthy”, “I will try to get to the gym more”, “I will try to eat out less this year” then find ourselves back at square one in 2 or 3 months? We use “try” in our personal life on an almost daily basis and by doing so create a neat way out, a nice excuse for why something did not get done, after all there are so many moving pieces in our life that we need to juggle. We use it so often because we think that “try” opens the possibility for success but instead it simply provides permission for failure. Sometimes it takes a guy with a glass of water and an impossible task to make you stop and evaluate how the use of simple words can have such a profound impact on your life.
Since the seminar I have done my best to eliminate “try” from my daily vocabulary and I will tell you it is hard. I still find it leaving my mouth on occasion, but with a much lower frequency, and every time it does it makes me pause and really contemplate my answer. Be it a commitment to others or one I am making to myself, I use the “try” as a prompt to evaluate the action and often find myself changing that answer to a more concrete one like “not now” or “I will add it to the list of ideas for later use”, rarely do I change it to “I will do this right away” and that in itself is telling. The truth is we cannot do it all, and certainly not all right now, so we need to be crisp about what we can do, what we cannot and let go of anything that may cloud that landscape and divert our energy. I hope you join me in using “try” a little less so that you may start to cut through the clutter and focus on the things of most value to you. As you continue on your own journeys keep in mind the words of a famous small green alien “Do or Do Not, there is No Try” – Yoda
If you have questions about wellness, nutrition, and personal change feel free to contact me. I also encourage you to check out the Programs page for the latest in online and local in-person offerings (CT, MA)