Whether you are a Star Wars® fan or not, odds are you have heard this quote somewhere, “Do or do not. There is no try”. I think this quote is especially relevant during the holiday season. Juggling celebrations, shopping, decorating and what seems like a million other tasks can be overwhelming. We commit to too many things somehow hoping for more hours in the day to get it done. Then the end of the year brings on the resolutions and a renewed desire to update our health habits. It all adds up to a long list of “to-dos”, longer than we can reasonably accomplish.
To-Do lists
To-Do lists contain a mix of things we plan to do and things we will try to do. Realistically most list contain more try to do items than those we will do. Some of you may be wondering: What is the difference? It’s a to do list. Lists can be useful things. Fill them with things you plan to do and need to do, and they can keep you focused and get things done. Filled with things you will try to do they take attention away from what is important. Even worse they can contribute to feelings of failure. So, what is the difference between DO and TRY?
This is where Yoda comes in. (If you are not familiar with the original Star Wars movies bear with me.) In episode 5, Luke exclaimed “I’m trying” as he fails to lift up his X-wing from a bog, Yoda replied “Do or do not. There is no try.” The point he made was that you must believe you will do something, otherwise doubt will stop you from accomplishing it. More importantly you have to take actions believing in the result, or likewise you will accomplish nothing. Honestly, I did not really get what that meant in real life until just a few years ago. Let me share.
The impossible task
A few years ago, I attended a 2-day workshop. The workshop crammed a ton of information into a limited amount of time. Truth be told I do not remember many of the details. One demonstration, however stuck with me through the years. The instructor poured some water into a glass and asked a volunteer to TRY to drink it. He could neither drink it nor not drink it, and no one was to interfere with his TRY to drink the water. What ensued were some funny moments as the poor volunteer worked to figure out his impossible task. If he tipped the glass to his lips, he was going to get some water in and therefore drink. If he held it just on the edge without drinking, he was in fact not drinking it. The task was impossible.
Trying does not accomplish much
That exercise, more than anything else, brought home the futility of TRYING to do something. In the end it was simple. When it comes to doing something, you either do it or do not, and saying you will try is “putting it on the list” (really another way of not doing it). When you tell someone (or yourself) “I will do this today” you make a commitment which drives action on your part. When you say “I will not do this today” you are setting a clear expectation that it will not get done, driving another kind of action (or lack of). Clearly both statements create clear expectations and drive a course of action. When you say I will try to do this you are setting ambiguous expectations and committing to no set actions.
Trying = hoping for results without taking any actions
The “try” often comes out when you really do not want to do something. There can be many reasons: not worthwhile, doubtful of results, do not know how to do something, effort too high for expected results, and so on. But there seems to be an expectation you should. Instead of outright No, I will not you string the recipient (including you) along with a I will try while mentally putting it on the bottom of the to-do list. “I will try” is for all intents and purposes a “I will not” with a vague expectation that, despite a probable lack of action some result will happen anyway. Unfortunately, “try” items create a burden, a weight, on you that drags down your energy and adds to stress about all those things you cannot get to.
Make healthy choices. Don’t try them out
If you are thinking How does this apply to making healthy choices in my personal life then take a moment and think back to resolutions you made in the past. Promises made to yourself, family members and doctors. How often do you say I will try to eat healthy; I will try to get to the gym more; I will try to eat out less this year; then find yourself back at square one in 2 or 3 months? How often do you feel guilty and discouraged because you failed to eat more vegetables or exercise more?
We use “try” in our personal life on an almost daily basis and by doing so create a neat way out, a nice excuse for why something did not get done. After all there are so many moving pieces in life that we need to juggle. We use it so often because we think that “try” opens the possibility for success but instead it simply provides permission for failure. Sometimes it takes a guy with a glass of water, and an impossible task, to make you stop and evaluate how the use of simple words can have such a profound impact on your life.
Letting go of “TRY” is hard
Since the seminar I have done my best to eliminate “try” from my daily vocabulary. It is hard. I still find it leaving my mouth on occasion. Happily, with a much lower frequency. Every time it does, it makes me pause and really contemplate my answer. Be it a commitment to others, or one I am making to myself I use the “try” as a prompt to evaluate the action. Upon that reflection I often find myself changing that answer to a more concrete one like Not now or I will add it to the list of ideas for later use. Rarely do I change it to I will do this right away and that in itself is telling.
The truth is we cannot do it all, and certainly not right now. We need to be crisp about what we can do and what we cannot. Then let go of anything that may cloud that landscape and divert our energy. Whether it means changing holiday plans; making homemade gifts; thinking about resolutions; getting more exercise or eating more vegetables and fewer cookies; there are plenty of opportunities to reevaluate your “try to do” lists. Take some time to look at your plans and lists and weed out the “try” so you can focus on the most important “to do” things. I hope you join me in using “try” a little less so that you may start to cut through the clutter and focus on the things of most value to you.
Enjoy the Holidays and Look for the Joy.
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